I love living in the country. Mostly. There's a lot about it I wouldn't like to give up, but as we've had kids it's felt more like isolation and a burden (emotional and physical). Very recently, when I was in a pretty crappy head space, I let that get to me and convinced myself that I really was alone, that the work it takes to care about me at these distances was too much and that I had no friends, no one to turn to if I needed it. Which, frankly, is a pretty crappy way to think about my friends (I'm sorry! My brain, it's broken! I do know y'all are great!), not to mention a crappy way to think about myself.
This past week while my husband was gone for work, so many people that I love were there. Random phone calls to see how I was holding up. Sympathetic (and empathetic) comments. Discussions about knitting to take my mind off kid stuff. Virtual hugs and heartfelt messages. A friend offered to drive two hours just to hang out and keep me company this weekend, not realizing Mike would be home. When I told her I wouldn't be alone anymore, she still came. I'm somewhat ashamed to say that every time someone reached out to me, I was surprised. Pleasantly, no doubt, but I just didn't realize how down I had gotten, that I honestly thought people outside my head felt the same way about me that I felt inside.
ANYWAY. All that to say this. I'm sorry I put my own crappy stuff onto y'all (even if you didn't know I was doing it). And I appreciate so incredibly much the way y'all always end up reminding me that friendship is magic (YES, I LIKE MY LITTLE PONIES, SHUT UP) and how the one thing that always seems to fix me the best when I get like this is when I have outside help. So. Thank you. I'd ship you all incredibly fattening pudding if it was legal.
Henry turned 2 last weekend, but we had his party this weekend (something about one of his parents who shall not be named but is the one that isn't me wanting to be there or some crap, blah blah blah). He wasn't in top form and actually threw himself down on his face for an epic tantrum in a standoff with Baby Drake, but at least there was no physical violence. And there was cake AND cupcakes. So maybe it balanced out.